It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged. With three small children, two new schools and a new house, time has gotten the best of me. However, recent events have encouraged me to add to my blog because I cannot make sense of them.
On Christmas day 2011, a horrific tragedy occurred less than 15 minutes from where I live. A house fire took the lives of three small children and their heroic grandparents who never left their sides during the fire – I’m sure a small comfort to their living parents. As a mom, there is nothing worse I can imagine. To lose all of my children on one day is inconceivable. It has my community in an uproar.
I remember a number of years ago, seeing the cover of a PEOPLE magazine in an airport with the headline, “EVERY PARENT’S WORST NIGHTMARE.” As a parent, I promptly bought the magazine to read about what my worst nightmare could be. I learned that it couldn’t be my worst nightmare, because it couldn’t happen on my watch. Parents had left their 3 year old daughter, Maddy (who was the same age as my oldest daughter), and one and a half year old twins alone in their room unsupervised while they went out to dinner at their resort in Portugal. They came home to find their 3 year old missing. Tragic, yes. Irresponsible, yes. I was only slightly relieved that it couldn’t happen to me because I would never leave my young children at home without myself or a trusted sitter. I felt terrible for the family and the missing girl.
Fast forward to the news on Christmas day this year. A mother celebrating Christmas with her boyfriend and her three daughters and two parents loses five of them due to a tragic fire. Every parent’s worst nightmare, right? Yet, hers was highly preventable on several counts. First, she didn’t have working smoke or heat alarms in her house and knowing this, lit a fire in the fireplace. Second, she hired her boyfriend to renovate the house, who wasn’t licensed in the state of Connecticut to do so, so things were not done correctly. Third, the boyfriend was given the task to dispose of the ashes in the fireplace on Christmas Eve and he, a builder, disposed of them against a main wall of the house that his team had recently constructed, which quickly ignited into flames. Fourth, her family likely didn’t have a fire safety plan (how to exit the house and where to meet in the case of a fire). Apparently, she and her boyfriend fled the house and he tried to go back into save her daughters. According to early news reports, he had two of her daughters with him but lost them in the fire. I cannot imagine how that is possible. Two scared six year olds able to overpower a very large 40+ year old man and run away from him so that he had nothing to do but save himself. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but I don't know if I could accept the fact that someone I loved either abandoned my children in a fire he started or made up the story that he had gone back to save them if he didn’t. It certainly makes one of the latest PEOPLE magazine stories I’ve read seem more important – Mark Anthony trying to prevent Jennifer Lopez from allowing her children to spend time with her new boyfriend. This may cause a new clause in divorce cases where anyone who spends time with an exes’ children because of a new relationship, must sign a responsibility agreement for your children or be forbidden to spend time with them. I bet that the ex-husband who lost his three daughters to the fire caused by his ex-wife’s boyfriend would’ve done anything to prevent the tragedy, including such a clause.
I read that the family is starting a foundation for their daughters – a beautiful thing to do. I hope that the foundation helps to promote accident prevention (such as fire safety awareness). I’d love to see legislation changes that require things like working fire alarms and carbon monoxide detectors in any inhabitable building and proper disposal of ashes, etc. Here is some information about ash disposal to help prevent such a tragedy in the future:
According to the National Fire Protection Association, many house fires are caused by improper removal and disposal of ashes and embers from a fireplace or wood-burning insert or stove. Ashes should be removed with an ash shovel and placed in a metal ash container with a bottom edge that keeps the base of the container off of the floor. The container should be covered. then taken outside. Ashes should be placed on the ground or on a concrete structure where no combustible materials such as leaves or twigs are near. The ashes should be thoroughly wetted with a hose or take a container of water along with the ashes, pour water over them, then cover the ashes with dirt. Ash containers are available at specialty hearth stores or online. Ashes can smolder for days.
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